How to lead with Empathy, Compassion, and Altruism

Prosocial behaviours, such as empathy, compassion, and altruism, are essential components of wise leadership as they have profound impacts on both the leader and those they lead. According to neuroscientist and author Dilip Jeste, wise people understand that their role extends beyond their individual success and encompasses the well-being and growth of their teams and organisations. In this article I explain why empathy, compassion and altruism are essential skills for a wise leader and how to develop and strengthen these skills.

The Power of Empathy in Leadership

Empathy is the ability to understand and share the emotions of others. It’s a more complicated emotional skill set than we often think. 

Researchers distinguish between two types of empathy: cognitive and affective empathy. Cognitive and affective empathy both require understanding the feelings of another person, but while cognitive empathy is the ability to recognise and understand another’s mental state, affective empathy is the ability to share the feelings of others.

Professor and author Dr. Brene Brown states that we can respond empathically only if we are willing to be fully present to someone’s pain, acknowledging and validating their experiences. If we’re not willing to do that, it’s not real empathy.

In leadership, empathy plays a pivotal role in creating an inclusive and supportive work environment. Empathy enables leaders to understand the perspectives and emotions of their team members, foster trust, understanding, and teamwork by actively listening to their team members and demonstrating genuine care and concern.

This emotional connection builds stronger relationships and allows leaders to address individual needs and concerns more effectively. Furthermore, empathy positively impacts employee engagement and loyalty, as team members feel valued and understood, leading to increased job satisfaction and productivity.

The Role of Compassion in Effective Leadership

Compassion takes empathy a step further by translating understanding into action. Compassionate leaders create a positive work culture where kindness, support, and well-being are prioritised. They recognise and acknowledge the challenges and struggles faced by their team members, offering assistance and empathy. 

Compassion allows leaders to respond to the challenges and suffering of others with kindness and support, further strengthening relationships and fostering a sense of belonging among employees. This, in turn, enhances employee well-being, reduces stress, and improves overall job satisfaction, ultimately boosting productivity and organisational success.

The Value of Altruism in Wise Leadership

Altruism, often seen as the pinnacle of prosocial behaviors, involves selfless concern for the well-being of others. Wise leaders embody altruism by going above and beyond their responsibilities to support and uplift their team members. They actively seek opportunities to contribute and make a positive impact, demonstrating genuine care and support. Altruism, the selfless concern for others, drives wise leaders to make decisions and take actions that benefit the greater good, even if it requires personal sacrifice.

By displaying acts of selflessness and fostering a culture of altruism, leaders inspire and motivate their teams, creating a sense of purpose and dedication among employees. Altruistic leaders build loyalty, fostering an environment where collaboration and success thrive.

The Synergy of Prosocial Behaviours for Wise Leaders

Empathy, compassion, and altruism are not isolated qualities but rather interwoven aspects of wise leadership. When these prosocial behaviors work together synergistically, they enhance decision-making and problem-solving capabilities. 

Leaders who incorporate empathy into their decision-making process can better understand the impact of their choices on individuals and teams. Compassion ensures that decisions are made with consideration for the well-being of all stakeholders. Altruism drives leaders to make choices that benefit the greater good, fostering a culture of social responsibility and ethical leadership.

A catalyst for positive change 

Prosocial behaviors, including empathy, compassion, and altruism, are integral to wise leadership. By developing and incorporating these qualities, leaders foster trust, inspire loyalty, and create a positive work culture that enhances employee well-being and productivity. 

Through self-awareness, active listening, seeking diverse perspectives, practicing mindfulness, and leading by example, leaders can cultivate and strengthen their prosocial behaviors and experience personal growth and fulfillment. Engaging in acts of empathy, compassion, and altruism promotes self-reflection, humility, and a sense of purpose. This contributes to the leader’s own well-being and happiness, ultimately influencing their ability to lead with wisdom and authenticity.

Embracing empathy, compassion, and altruism in that way is not only a testament to wise leadership but also a catalyst for positive change within teams and organisations.

How to lead with empathy and compassion 

Professor educational psychology Kristin Neff emphasizes the importance of cultivating self-compassion as the foundation for showing compassion to others. Neff defines self-compassion as being kind and understanding towards oneself in moments of suffering, rather than being self-critical or judgmental. She believes that self-compassion, is vital for well-being, resilience, and healthy relationships.

Self-compassionate individuals are better equipped to offer genuine compassion to others. By developing a compassionate attitude towards oneself, individuals can connect with their own suffering and become more empathetic towards the pain of others. Compassion starts with self-care and self-understanding, which ultimately enhances the capacity to extend compassion to others.

Empathy and compassion are skills that can be developed and nurtured with practice. Hereby several actionable strategies to develop and strengthen prosocial behaviours:

– Understand how emotions work

It’s essential to understand how your emotions really work and how to regulate them. That’s where self-compassion and empathy starts.

– Cultivate self-awareness

Reflect on your own emotions, biases, and triggers. This self-awareness allows you to approach situations with empathy and compassion.


Developing self-compassion is the first step toward extending compassion to others. Be kind and understanding towards yourselve, especially in moments of difficulty or suffering. This involves treating oneself with the same care and compassion one would offer to a close friend.

– Mindful Awareness

By being present in the moment and paying attention to one’s own thoughts and emotions, individuals can develop a deeper understanding of their own experiences, which in turn enhances their capacity to understand and empathize with others.

– Practice Active Listening

Active listening involves being fully present and engaged when someone is speaking, giving them undivided attention, and demonstrating genuine interest in understanding their perspective. By practicing active listening, individuals can deepen their empathetic connection with others.

– Practice perspective-taking

Practice perspective-taking, which involves putting oneself in another person’s shoes and trying to understand their thoughts, emotions, and experiences. This requires openness, curiosity, and a willingness to suspend judgment. By actively engaging in perspective-taking, individuals can broaden their empathy and develop a more compassionate outlook.

–  Practice Meditation

Regularly engage in meditation and self care practices develops a deeper connection with your own emotions and needs. 

– Extend Acts of Kindness

Small acts of kindness, such as offering help, expressing gratitude, or showing support, can have a significant impact on others’ well-being. By intentionally engaging in kind and compassionate actions, individuals cultivate a habit of empathy and contribute to a more compassionate world.

By implementing these strategies, leaders can strengthen their empathetic and compassionate abilities, leading to enhanced relationships, personal growth, and a greater sense of well-being. 

Curious if you lead with empathy and compassion? Do the FREE Wise Leadership test.

Why female leadership is problematic

I think most of us agree that we need to level up our leadership in this world. We need leaders that act less out of shame, guilt, fear, jealousy, pain, greed and gaining power. Instead we need leaders that act out of justice, compassion, courage, love, understanding, connection, strength, trust and vision.

Female leadership is Bull Shit

Many people make a distinction between female and male leadership. That is total bull shit. I know I’m normally a bit more sophisticated and gentle with words. But in this case I simply can’t as it’s doing more harm than good. And I want people to realize this. So that we can move forward in developing our leadership, instead of backwards. Because the world is screaming for it!

Five reasons why the distinction between female leadership and male leadership is problematic:

1. Leadership is a set of skills, not a gender
2. Gender stereotypes limit potential
3. Boxing in leadership stagnates innovation
4. The idea that man and women lead differently reinforces gender bias
5. Male and female leadership excludes people

1. Leadership is a set of skills, not a gender

Leadership skills are not determined by gender, but by a person’s abilities, experiences, and knowledge. There are plenty of successful female leaders who exhibit traditionally ‘masculine’ traits such as assertiveness, decisiveness, and strategic thinking, just as there are plenty of successful male leaders who exhibit traditionally ‘feminine’ traits such as empathy, collaboration, and communication. And who decided which qualities are traditionally male or female anyway? 

Men are hunters

I regularly hear – mainly men – argue that thousands year ago men were the hunters, while women were the caretakers. 

Anthropological studies have shown that in some hunter-gatherer societies, women played a significant role in hunting and providing food for their communities. Like the women of the Aka and Baka tribes of central Africa and the Inuit people of North America. Another study showed that between 30 and 50 percent of the hunters living between thousands till eight thousand years ago in the population the research focused on, were women. 

Women are more emotional 

Another reason people come up with to make a distinction: women are more emotional. This is total bull shit again. Research has shown that men and women both continuously have emotions. That we act and express them differently, for sure! We are different. We have different hormones flowing through our bodies. And most of all: we have people reacting differently on us. 

Most women are appreciated for empathic skills and showing emotions since they were small, getting my little ponies and dolls to take care of. Boys are appreciated for fighting, building stuff and being a big boy for not crying. Really effective I can tell you, if you want to raise men that can’t deal with or dare to show their emotions. Not very helpful though in relationships with their loved ones, in raising their kids or being great leaders. Hence the amount of leaders visiting me with similar issues on a weekly base.

It’s crystal clear that gender roles and activities vary greatly among different cultures and time periods, so making generalizations about this is nothing more than making unjust assumptions. 

Research show that the differences in leadership may be due in part to socialisation and cultural expectations, as well as biological factors. There is no one-size-fits-all approach to leadership, and both men and women can exhibit a wide range of leadership styles and qualities.

2. Gender stereotypes limit potential

The idea that there are inherent differences between male and female leadership styles reinforces gender stereotypes and can limit people’s potential. It creates a false belief that women are inherently better at nurturing and collaboration, while men are inherently better at assertiveness and decision-making. This can lead to women being passed over for leadership roles and men being discouraged from exhibiting ‘feminine’ traits.

The belief that men and women lead differently can impede progress toward gender equality in leadership. It may lead to biased assumptions and preferences during hiring, promotion, and selection processes, favoring one gender over the other based on perceived leadership styles. This perpetuates gender disparities and hampers efforts to achieve equal representation and opportunities for all genders in leadership roles.

3. Boxing in leadership stagnates innovation

Boxing in leadership based on gender or any other limited categorization stifles innovation. The idea that there is one ‘correct’ way to lead based on gender is limiting and ignores the complex nature of leadership. Leadership is influenced by a range of factors such as personality, experience, skills, and values. These factors vary among individuals, irrespective of their gender. 

Embracing a fluid, inclusive, and open approach to leadership allows organizations to tap into a diverse talent pool, challenge stereotypes, foster a culture of innovation, and adapt to the ever-changing realities of the modern world. By breaking free from constraints, organizations can unlock the full potential of their leaders and drive innovation to new heights.

By focusing on individual qualities and capabilities rather than gender stereotypes, organizations create opportunities for diverse leadership styles and approaches.

4. The idea that man and women lead differently reinforces gender bias

Reinforcing the notion that men and women lead differently sets predefined expectations for individuals based on their gender. It creates a rigid framework that may restrict opportunities for individuals to explore different leadership styles and approaches outside of what is traditionally associated with their gender. This can limit personal growth, career advancement, and the potential for diverse leadership perspectives.

The idea that men and women lead differently doesn’t only reinforce gender bias it can also create a self-fulfilling prophecy. When women are expected to lead in a certain way, they may feel pressured to conform to these expectations, even if it goes against their natural leadership style. This can create a double-bind for female leaders, where they are criticised for being too aggressive if they exhibit assertiveness or too weak if they exhibit nurturing behaviour.

5. Male and female leadership excludes people

If we’re talking about male and female leadership, it excludes people who identify as non-binary, genderqueer, or other gender identities that don’t conform to the traditional binary of male and female. It assumes that leadership traits are inherently tied to gender, which is not only untrue but also harmful to those who don’t fit into these rigid categories.

By perpetuating the false idea that there are only two genders with distinct leadership styles, we fail to recognize the diversity of experiences and perspectives that exist within individuals. The distinction between female and male leadership is a social construct that reinforces gender stereotypes and can limit potential.This can lead to exclusion, discrimination, and a lack of representation for those who don’t conform to gender norms.

A broader view on leadership

Leadership has long been associated with ‘masculinity’ and ‘male’ qualities. And of course, if you see what is happening in the world right now, it seems a good idea to opt for a more ‘female’ and ‘feminine’ style. But then we keep on thinking and doing the same way as we always have! This view of leadership is outdated and limiting. So what is a good way of looking at leadership moving forward?

It’s important to recognize that gender is not the only factor that influences leadership styles. Other factors such as personality, culture, upbringing, and life experiences also play a significant role. By focusing solely on gender, we ignore these other important factors and miss out on the full range of leadership styles and potential leaders.

Leadership should be based on skills and abilities, not gender, and a mix of different leadership styles is beneficial for organizations.

Conscious leadership 

Another term that is used frequently is ‘conscious’ leadership. I’m not a big fan of that either. Mainly because there are so many leaders consciously fucking up the world, that I can’t really relate to it. The road to hell is paved with good intentions.

Wise Leadership

Therefore I plead for looking at leadership in a broader perspective. A perspective that includes all genders, heritages, cultures, who we are in a certain context and our relations with nature. Enter Wise Leadership. 

Wise Leadership is a holistic approach to leadership that emphasizes the importance of wisdom in decision-making and problem-solving. It recognizes the interconnection of different areas of wisdom, such as emotional regulation, self-reflection and understanding, acceptance of diverse perspectives, and spirituality. 

Wise Leadership is not limited to any particular gender, but rather acknowledges that anyone can develop wisdom through intentional practice and learning. By cultivating wisdom, leaders can make more effective decisions, build stronger relationships, and create a positive impact on their teams and organizations.

The Wisdom Compass

Based on this broader view and a combination of neuroscientific research, NLP and indigenous wisdom the Wisdom Compass was developed. This unique approach to leadership recognizes that true wisdom comes from a combination of knowledge, experience, and emotional intelligence. 

The Wisdom Compass also recognizes the importance of diversity and inclusion in leadership. It understands that gender is just one aspect of a person’s identity, and that individuals may identify in a variety of ways. By focusing on wisdom rather than gender, the Wisdom Compass provides a more inclusive and effective approach to leadership.

If we focus on developing the skills and traits that lead to wisdom, we can create a more equal and effective leadership landscape that benefits everyone.

Want to discover which leader you are and how to become a Wise Leader? Do the FREE Wise Leadership test. 

7 reasons why wisdom is essential for successful leaders

Leadership requires a broad range of skills and qualities. While intelligence, knowledge, experience, and charisma are often associated with effective leadership, there is one attribute often overlooked, that stands out as a vital asset: wisdom. 

Wisdom goes beyond knowledge and expertise; it encompasses a deep understanding of oneself, others, and the world, and it plays a critical role in guiding leaders towards making sound decisions, inspiring others, and fostering positive change.

In today’s fast-paced world, wisdom is becoming more and more important for successful leaders facing a multitude of challenges, that require more than just intelligence and technical expertise. Leaders need wisdom, the ability to make sound judgments and decisions based on their experience, intuition, and ethical principles. 

why wisdom is a Very valuable asset for leaders:

1. Wise leaders foster a positive work culture

Leaders who prioritize wisdom understand the importance of creating a positive work culture. They are able to navigate conflicts and challenges with grace and humility, and they encourage their team members to do the same. This kind of culture leads to greater job satisfaction, productivity, and overall success.

Wisdom entails self understanding, reflection, emotional intelligence and empathy, enabling leaders to connect with others on a deeper level. The far most important skill for leaders is how they regulate their own emotions. Leaders who understand and regulate their own emotions are better equipped to handle difficult situations and build strong relationships.

2. Wise leaders make better decisions

In today’s rapidly changing world, leaders face complex challenges and uncertain circumstances. Wisdom equips leaders with the ability to navigate through ambiguity and make informed choices. Wise leaders consider not only the short-term gains but also the long-term consequences and impact of their choices on various stakeholders.

They demonstrate a keen awareness of the limitations of their knowledge and are open to seeking diverse perspectives to arrive at well-considered decisions. They uphold moral principles, integrity, and fairness, ensuring that their actions align with the values and purpose of the organization. In challenging situations, wisdom guides leaders to make choices that benefit the greater good and uphold the ethical fabric of their organizations.

Wise leaders are known for their ability to make good decisions that benefit both their organization and the people they lead. They are able to evaluate complex situations and weigh the pros and cons of different options before making a choice. Their decision-making is guided not only by their experience and knowledge but also by their intuition and ethical values.

3. Wise leaders inspire trust

Wisdom entails emotional intelligence and empathy, enabling leaders to connect with others on a deeper level. Leaders who understand and regulate their own emotions are better equipped to handle difficult situations and build strong relationships. By demonstrating empathy, wise leaders foster a sense of trust, respect, and inclusivity within their teams, leading to enhanced collaboration and creativity.

Leaders who demonstrate wisdom are more likely to inspire trust and loyalty among their followers. Their wisdom helps them build rapport with their team members and stakeholders, leading to better communication, collaboration, and engagement.

4. Wise leaders adapt to change

In today’s rapidly changing world, leaders face complex challenges and uncertain circumstances. Wisdom equips leaders with the ability to navigate through ambiguity and make informed choices.

Wise leaders possess a broader perspective that allows them to see the interconnectedness of various factors and anticipate potential consequences. They demonstrate a keen awareness of the limitations of their knowledge and are open to seeking diverse perspectives to arrive at well-considered decisions.

The world is constantly changing, and leaders who lack wisdom may struggle to keep up. However, wise leaders are able to adapt to changing circumstances and make the necessary adjustments to their strategies and approaches. Their wisdom helps them navigate uncertainty and ambiguity, and they are able to lead their organisations through difficult times with confidence and resilience.

5. Wise Leaders inspire and mentor others

Leadership is not just about achieving personal success; it is about inspiring and guiding others to reach their full potential. Wise leaders possess the ability to inspire and motivate individuals by sharing their knowledge, insights, and life experiences.

They serve as mentors, providing guidance and support to nurture the growth and development of their team members. Through their wisdom, leaders empower others to become wise leaders themselves.

6. Wise leaders Build Sustainable Organizations:

In an era characterized by global challenges such as climate change, social inequality, and economic instability, wise leaders understand the importance of building sustainable organizations.

They recognize the interconnectedness between the organization and its stakeholders, including employees, customers, communities, and the environment. Wisdom drives leaders to make choices that prioritise long-term sustainability and social responsibility, ensuring the organisation’s positive impact on society.

7. Wise leaders have a long-term vision

Wise leaders are able to think beyond short-term goals and focus on the long-term vision and mission of their organization. This involves strategic thinking, careful planning, and a willingness to take calculated risks.

Cultivating Wisdom

It’s wise to say that wisdom is a critical asset for leaders as it enables them to navigate complexity, make ethical decisions, inspire others, and build sustainable organisations. 

By cultivating wisdom, leaders can create a positive and inclusive work culture, make informed choices, and drive meaningful change. As the world continues to evolve, the need for wise leaders who can lead with compassion, empathy, and a long-term perspective becomes increasingly crucial.

Want to know more about Wise Leadership? Do the FREE Wise Leadership test.

How to Regulate Your Emotions and become a Wise leader

Wise leaders are very skilled at regulating their emotions. But how do they do that? And how can you learn it? In this article we explain how embracing past experiences can empower individuals to become wise leaders capable of navigating life’s challenges with resilience and clarity.

It’s probably not the first thing you had in mind, but understanding how emotions work is an important asset in the journey towards wisdom. The ability to regulate emotions and reflect on one’s actions, thoughts, and emotions is a key element of emotional intelligence and plays a crucial role in developing wise leaders.

Embracing past experiences can empower individuals to become wise leaders capable of navigating life’s challenges with resilience and clarity. It focuses on how individuals regulate their emotions and the significance of the meaning they assign to their past experiences.

Therefore emotional regulation and experiences are important components in the Wisdom Compass, a new self development tool based on neuroscientific research and indigenous wisdom.

The Impact of Past Experiences

Our past experiences hold significant power over our present emotions and shape our future. Certain experiences can evoke warm feelings and bring smiles to our faces, while others can trigger negative emotions such as anger, depression, anxiety, or addiction. Often, these emotions manifest without us consciously understanding their origins.

How we perceive our experiences influences how we feel in the present moment and how we shape our future. Unresolved past experiences can lead to physical pain, negative self-perceptions, and emotional distress. The field of Experiences within the Wisdom Compass encourages individuals to heal from these past experiences by shifting their perceptions and accepting them fully. It focuses on how individuals regulate their emotions and the significance of the meaning they assign to their past experiences.

Understanding How Emotions Work

Recent research by neuroscientist Dr. Lisa Feldman Barrett has shed new light on the intricacies of emotions. Emotions are not simply innate responses; instead, they are constructed based on the concepts and interpretations in our brains. Our brains constantly receive signals from our bodies, including information from internal organs, tissues, hormones, and the immune system.

These signals have no inherent meaning on their own. Instead, our brains rely on concepts to interpret both internal and external sensations. This process, known as interoception or our seventh sense, allows us to make sense of the sensory signals and construct emotions.

You can read more on how our emotions work here.

Changing Concepts to Transform Emotions

The Wisdom Compass recognizes that changing our concepts is the key to transforming our emotions. Merely reliving past experiences and dwelling on them can perpetuate the same emotional loops because our brains recognize the familiar sensations and trigger similar emotional responses. To break free from this cycle, we must change our concepts.

The following practices can help in this process:

            • Meditation: Meditation enables individuals to distance themselves from their emotions and gain awareness of their predictions and emotional responses. By putting emotions into perspective, they can become less overwhelming. However, meditation alone does not change the predictions made by the brain, meaning that emotions may continue to arise.

            • Trauma Release Therapy: Trauma Release Therapy provides a targeted approach to address specific traumatic experiences that may have a profound impact on individuals’ emotional well-being. This therapy aims to release the trapped energy and emotions associated with traumatic events, facilitating healing and resilience.

            • Relationship and Emotion Training and Coaching (RETEC): Developed by international trainer and coach Wassili Zafiris, RETEC is a method rooted in the latest neuroscientific knowledge about emotions. This approach emphasizes that emotions control almost everything, and working directly with emotions in coaching and therapy is highly effective. RETEC focuses on creating new neurological networks by utilizing unconscious reminders. This method helps transform deeply ingrained patterns and facilitates lasting change.

By engaging in these practices and understanding the workings of emotions, individuals can regulate their emotions effectively. This enables them to overcome past experiences, shift their perceptions, and embrace a more balanced and wise approach to life. By harnessing the power of emotions, individuals can become wise leaders who navigate the complexities of the world with empathy, compassion, and self-awareness.

Want to learn more about how to regulate your emotions and become a Wise Leader? Contact me.